The Keys to My Success

For important changes, I do what I do, giving almost no thought to what I do. If I think too much about some decisions, I would not make them. On  those matters, I do not try. I - as fictional Jedi wise man Yoda says - do. That is why I was amused by what a CNN article urges for those who want success in business and my quest for more mental, physical and spiritual balance and harmony.

Change can make one unsure which door to open

I probably rate a "D" grade as a capitalist, yet as those who the news outlet targets in, "6 traits successful entrepreneurs share," my journey has forced me to tend to serious business. I set a goal that demands planning, production, patience, and persistence, which is key.

The article says the best entrepreneurs are persistent, adaptive, risk takers, imaginative doers, confident and trustworthy. I discovered that thus far in my pursuit of a better life, those same tactics have become key. I have a long road to walk before my quest is complete, but those everyday habits bring me to a healthier place.

When I weighed so much that a scale groans at my step, the idea that I might someday lose enough pounds to improve that condition seems laughable. Even when to drop pounds might mean life or death, diet and exercise can seem too much to ask. So, I did not.

As I once wrote, I never asked myself to lose weight or change eating habits. I do. I exercise for its own sake. If the weight drops away, I take it as gravy on meat and potatoes. I don't weigh everyday, as some experts suggest. I wait for the doctor to give me the totals. If the news is good. I do more. If not, I work exercise more. 

I do not starve myself, or eat fake foods that taste like wallpaper laced with dirt. I cut back on portions and if practical avoid bread and red meats. I let my body, mind and spirit take control. They work together to help me adapt to the rigorous routine of my life. 

When I meet roadblocks in the set goals, I shift, but keep sight of the mark.  As you might read in the article linked above, successful entrepreneurs are never afraid to try a different approach when something does not work.  I do the same.

There are so many pieces of advice and experts on health and whole living afloat in today's media. If I tried to keep up with every theory, or followed the latest trend, my focus on the quest would scatter. Instead, I adapt to what seems practical at the moment. For example, I began to walk each morning along a path that drained two, sometimes three hours or more out of the day. The long exercise period seemed to drain the energy from the rest of the day. Also, when my calendar was busy, time often forced me to put aside the walk because it took too long. The lack of consistency tempted me to toss in the towel on exercise and drop the routine.  Instead, I staked out a two-mile route closer to home that can be leisurely completed in an hour. The change furthers my goal, but I am still forced to deal with risks.

From the moment the journey began, I have risked my health, image, peace of mind, lifestyle, and comfort. I abandoned the safety and security of victimhood as a morbidly overweight, miserable, depressed, weary man with at least five serious illnesses. With the first step I made a move toward... the unknown. Some people would be paralyzed by such a risk. I do not know if where the journey will take me is better than the physical and mental limitations that mired my past existence. I do not know if what lies ahead is better or can make me more fulfilled. I just imagined the more and started a journey. I am not confident I will get to where I imagine I might go, but I am certain I will be far from where I have been.

Confidence is like a box of chocolates. To open an empty container is sad, so you have to start with some pieces of promise, even if all that is left are the sampled cast offs  and rejects. I had to convince myself that I am worthy of salvation.

A few years ago, I was convinced that death was the only stop  ahead on the road of my life. With the help of a few loyal friends and kind strangers, I forced myself to look away from others' impressions of me. I tuned out negative predictions. I pushed the "Kevorkians" out of my circles, then seized responsibility for who I am and what I choose to be.

I let many strangers, or friends that I had not met yet, drop sweet bits of solace, encouragement and wisdom in my "chocolate box." Those good experiences continue to fuel the journey.

When the image in the mirror is not what my mind knows can be, I seek the strength to trust. That leads to the task which is hardest for me. The person I most distrust is me.

I find it tough to believe in myself on this quest. Sometimes, I feel way over my head. I know other people have done what I seek and more, but doubt whether I can. I doubt the compliments and supportive words of others, lest I succumb to flattery. I worry about whether I will betray the goals. I become impatient with myself, particularly when changes do not come swiftly. For example, when I lose eight or ten pounds over the course of a month, I beat myself up inside and think, You should lose that much in a week.

When people walk up to me, smile and say, "You are looking thinner." My mouth says, "Thanks!" My mind says, Right. C'mon, stop kidding!

I get nervous that the quest and the recollections in this blog might make me look foolish. Living out loud is not my usual habit. That is when I look into my mind's eye and ask, "Really?" Then, I realize that what happens in this project does not bank entirely on self-trust. Mostly, the success depends on my trust in the God who made me. 

The Jumble

I used to like to do puzzles in the daily newspaper that featured words with the letters scrambled. I would figure out the correct word, and write it on an allotted line where some of the letter spaces were circled. Every letter in a circle was to be later used to unscramble a single, correct word to complete an often comical, sometimes ironic, sentence featured in the game.

Today I feel like my life is that puzzle. I have not been able to find enough time to write this week, but I need to say something about the fact that I feel as if everything around me is in a jumble. I am walking every morning, weigh somewhere between 343 and 353 pounds, which means I have lost anywhere from 24 to 34 pounds throughout the past month. I should be pleased, but no. I have begun to notice a little more space around the waste in my trousers. For some people that would be a joyous occasion. Not me. I am puzzled. I feel like when I stared at the out-of-order letters in the puzzle - there is something in this that is important to understand, but I have to figure it out. The answer is not clear.

By now, I should have reached a point where I have a good grasp on the meaning and direction of this journey toward better physical, mental and spiritual harmony and balance. I don't. The only thing I can see is that the future, as the puzzle letters, will not take a meaningful shape unless I am patient. I cannot understand what is clearly in front of me unless I continue to seek a solution. I recall some letter combinations that almost seemed impossible, yet the puzzle promises every group leads to a word. Like those words, the jumble in my life right now will suddenly become clear. The mystery of what I am doing, how I should do, why I am doing this, and where it might lead will someday be answered. The key is to keep trying.