The Jumble

I used to like to do puzzles in the daily newspaper that featured words with the letters scrambled. I would figure out the correct word, and write it on an allotted line where some of the letter spaces were circled. Every letter in a circle was to be later used to unscramble a single, correct word to complete an often comical, sometimes ironic, sentence featured in the game.

Today I feel like my life is that puzzle. I have not been able to find enough time to write this week, but I need to say something about the fact that I feel as if everything around me is in a jumble. I am walking every morning, weigh somewhere between 343 and 353 pounds, which means I have lost anywhere from 24 to 34 pounds throughout the past month. I should be pleased, but no. I have begun to notice a little more space around the waste in my trousers. For some people that would be a joyous occasion. Not me. I am puzzled. I feel like when I stared at the out-of-order letters in the puzzle - there is something in this that is important to understand, but I have to figure it out. The answer is not clear.

By now, I should have reached a point where I have a good grasp on the meaning and direction of this journey toward better physical, mental and spiritual harmony and balance. I don't. The only thing I can see is that the future, as the puzzle letters, will not take a meaningful shape unless I am patient. I cannot understand what is clearly in front of me unless I continue to seek a solution. I recall some letter combinations that almost seemed impossible, yet the puzzle promises every group leads to a word. Like those words, the jumble in my life right now will suddenly become clear. The mystery of what I am doing, how I should do, why I am doing this, and where it might lead will someday be answered. The key is to keep trying.