The Keys to My Success

For important changes, I do what I do, giving almost no thought to what I do. If I think too much about some decisions, I would not make them. On  those matters, I do not try. I - as fictional Jedi wise man Yoda says - do. That is why I was amused by what a CNN article urges for those who want success in business and my quest for more mental, physical and spiritual balance and harmony.

Change can make one unsure which door to open

I probably rate a "D" grade as a capitalist, yet as those who the news outlet targets in, "6 traits successful entrepreneurs share," my journey has forced me to tend to serious business. I set a goal that demands planning, production, patience, and persistence, which is key.

The article says the best entrepreneurs are persistent, adaptive, risk takers, imaginative doers, confident and trustworthy. I discovered that thus far in my pursuit of a better life, those same tactics have become key. I have a long road to walk before my quest is complete, but those everyday habits bring me to a healthier place.

When I weighed so much that a scale groans at my step, the idea that I might someday lose enough pounds to improve that condition seems laughable. Even when to drop pounds might mean life or death, diet and exercise can seem too much to ask. So, I did not.

As I once wrote, I never asked myself to lose weight or change eating habits. I do. I exercise for its own sake. If the weight drops away, I take it as gravy on meat and potatoes. I don't weigh everyday, as some experts suggest. I wait for the doctor to give me the totals. If the news is good. I do more. If not, I work exercise more. 

I do not starve myself, or eat fake foods that taste like wallpaper laced with dirt. I cut back on portions and if practical avoid bread and red meats. I let my body, mind and spirit take control. They work together to help me adapt to the rigorous routine of my life. 

When I meet roadblocks in the set goals, I shift, but keep sight of the mark.  As you might read in the article linked above, successful entrepreneurs are never afraid to try a different approach when something does not work.  I do the same.

There are so many pieces of advice and experts on health and whole living afloat in today's media. If I tried to keep up with every theory, or followed the latest trend, my focus on the quest would scatter. Instead, I adapt to what seems practical at the moment. For example, I began to walk each morning along a path that drained two, sometimes three hours or more out of the day. The long exercise period seemed to drain the energy from the rest of the day. Also, when my calendar was busy, time often forced me to put aside the walk because it took too long. The lack of consistency tempted me to toss in the towel on exercise and drop the routine.  Instead, I staked out a two-mile route closer to home that can be leisurely completed in an hour. The change furthers my goal, but I am still forced to deal with risks.

From the moment the journey began, I have risked my health, image, peace of mind, lifestyle, and comfort. I abandoned the safety and security of victimhood as a morbidly overweight, miserable, depressed, weary man with at least five serious illnesses. With the first step I made a move toward... the unknown. Some people would be paralyzed by such a risk. I do not know if where the journey will take me is better than the physical and mental limitations that mired my past existence. I do not know if what lies ahead is better or can make me more fulfilled. I just imagined the more and started a journey. I am not confident I will get to where I imagine I might go, but I am certain I will be far from where I have been.

Confidence is like a box of chocolates. To open an empty container is sad, so you have to start with some pieces of promise, even if all that is left are the sampled cast offs  and rejects. I had to convince myself that I am worthy of salvation.

A few years ago, I was convinced that death was the only stop  ahead on the road of my life. With the help of a few loyal friends and kind strangers, I forced myself to look away from others' impressions of me. I tuned out negative predictions. I pushed the "Kevorkians" out of my circles, then seized responsibility for who I am and what I choose to be.

I let many strangers, or friends that I had not met yet, drop sweet bits of solace, encouragement and wisdom in my "chocolate box." Those good experiences continue to fuel the journey.

When the image in the mirror is not what my mind knows can be, I seek the strength to trust. That leads to the task which is hardest for me. The person I most distrust is me.

I find it tough to believe in myself on this quest. Sometimes, I feel way over my head. I know other people have done what I seek and more, but doubt whether I can. I doubt the compliments and supportive words of others, lest I succumb to flattery. I worry about whether I will betray the goals. I become impatient with myself, particularly when changes do not come swiftly. For example, when I lose eight or ten pounds over the course of a month, I beat myself up inside and think, You should lose that much in a week.

When people walk up to me, smile and say, "You are looking thinner." My mouth says, "Thanks!" My mind says, Right. C'mon, stop kidding!

I get nervous that the quest and the recollections in this blog might make me look foolish. Living out loud is not my usual habit. That is when I look into my mind's eye and ask, "Really?" Then, I realize that what happens in this project does not bank entirely on self-trust. Mostly, the success depends on my trust in the God who made me. 

When You Look in the Mirror

I am going to talk about what I do not want to discuss before I get to my point. My 9-year-old granddaughter was in hysterics for most of Halloween night. She was trick or treating, and walked up to the house of a 12-year-old that she considered her best friend. For the three-plus years they were in elementary school the older girl always looked out for her. I knew the friend, too. She wanted to be an actress, perhaps a megastar. I always thought she had a shot.

My granddaughter walked up to her friend's house for candy, and got the surprise of her way-too-short life. She saw a four-foot tall sign that read, "R.I.P. Jennifer," in the front yard, but thought it was part of the holiday decorations.  After she and her mom and brother knocked on the door, the girl was informed that her first real friend died.

My wife and I were at dinner when the call came that the granddaughter was crying and would not stop. The trio wanted to come by our home, so we went back to the house.

My granddaughter was inconsolable. My wife cried. My daughter cried. The 5-year-old grandson asked when they could finish the second leg of the quest for candy. I sat in silence. I never told her the girl committed suicide. I was unable to say anything that could make anyone feel better, mostly because the news hit me like the Hulk had punched me in the gut.

Honestly, I heard "a suicide" around the neighborhood more than a week before. I was not that moved. Suicide is epidemic, according to former Surgeon General David Satcher, M.D. , and most preventable. Sad to admit, people like me who turn a deaf ear to such reports become part of the problem. My aloofness at the general news indicates a serious imbalance in my spiritual and mental natures. I am likely not alone, but know that 3.5 million youths either have thought, plan to, have tried, or about to try to take themselves out this year. The Centers for Disease Control says suicide is the third major cause of death for the 15-to-24 crowd. Among 5- to 14-year-olds, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry says it is the sixth cause of death.

Now, to my real point - we would treat ourselves better if when we look in the mirror we saw what God sees. I did not want to write about this experience, but my will wore down during my morning exercises and daily activities during the past two days. I cannot find a better way to get the sight of a weeping granddaughter dressed as Supergirl,  and the memory of her now-dead friend's enthusiastic smile out of my mind.

As I worked out during the last couple of days, the question that dogged me was what the 12-year-old saw in the mirror. I wished she saw the beautiful gift she was to us. Unfortunately, there are so many forces in society that militate against it. That led to larger thoughts - what do most people of all ages see when they looked in the mirror?

I rarely stare at myself in a mirror. I know that I will only see a beautiful gift from God. Also, old-style religious training makes me fear temptation toward vanity.

Society wants me to be ashamed that I am fat. Society wants me to be ashamed that I am black. Society wants me, you and anyone who pays attention to the daily media bombardment to be ashamed of the reality of human diversity. The constant media mantra, "You are not enough," prompts far too many people to waste money and time to try to fit or improve the wrong aspects of their existence.

Society wants us to be rich, thinner, more muscular, and taller but not too tall, with the "right" hair, teeth, smell, clothes, possessions and friends. In case anyone  does not know good from bad, the lesson comes with illustrations.

Experiment - search the internet for "beauty" images versus "handsome," and note the vast differences between the latitude allowed for women to consider themselves "beautiful" and men "handsome." In fact,rappers have said for decades the bigger the bankroll, for some women,  the more "handsome" the man. When did we get reality so twisted.

The reality is that God does not make junk. When you look in the mirror, you should get the message "I am worthy." My granddaughter, her friend, and other people throughout the world should realize YOU are all you really possess. Celebrate don't berate the beauty that exists in that presence.

My granddaughter came to the house last week after school and said, "How can I be skinny?"

"What?" I asked.

"I am fat."

"No," I said. "You are nine. You have no idea what you will look like when you are 19, or 29, or even 39."

"Yeah," she said with the kind of dismissive tone a child offers when they believe the adult does not get the point. "All of the other girls in my class are skinny. I am the only fat one. I don't want to be fat."

"The question is not what you want," I said, "but why?"

"I want to be like everybody else," she said."

"Well," I said that will never get you anywhere."

Well, I guess some of you are going to cast me as a "bad grandpa," but I told her to worry more about her grades than the size of her belly. By the way, the child is far from fat by International standards. At her age it is more important to think about who she is than what she wants to appear to be.

I told her about the mirror and beauty, but that does not have much impression on a grade-schooler. I guess I will just have to say it louder and more often - "You are worthy, because you are a beautiful gift that God gave to us."

I hope my granddaughter does not become a suicide statistic someday. I hope won't trade who she is for what someone would like her to be just to get along. I hope no one does. I hope she follows my example and learns to see the wonder of her existence in the mirror.

Most of us are banged up or broken inside and out, yet we have the power to make of God's gift whatever we will. If we take charge of our self-images, others cannot tell us what is important.
Long ago, those who said I was not worthy, important, hip, or relevant,  lost my attention. Even in this journey toward harmony and balance, my focus is on God's opinion more than those of other people.

I can't wait to hear what he has to say about who I am and what I did when the earthly part of my story ends. "You are worthy," I hope he will say, "because you were a beautiful gift."