When You Look in the Mirror

I am going to talk about what I do not want to discuss before I get to my point. My 9-year-old granddaughter was in hysterics for most of Halloween night. She was trick or treating, and walked up to the house of a 12-year-old that she considered her best friend. For the three-plus years they were in elementary school the older girl always looked out for her. I knew the friend, too. She wanted to be an actress, perhaps a megastar. I always thought she had a shot.

My granddaughter walked up to her friend's house for candy, and got the surprise of her way-too-short life. She saw a four-foot tall sign that read, "R.I.P. Jennifer," in the front yard, but thought it was part of the holiday decorations.  After she and her mom and brother knocked on the door, the girl was informed that her first real friend died.

My wife and I were at dinner when the call came that the granddaughter was crying and would not stop. The trio wanted to come by our home, so we went back to the house.

My granddaughter was inconsolable. My wife cried. My daughter cried. The 5-year-old grandson asked when they could finish the second leg of the quest for candy. I sat in silence. I never told her the girl committed suicide. I was unable to say anything that could make anyone feel better, mostly because the news hit me like the Hulk had punched me in the gut.

Honestly, I heard "a suicide" around the neighborhood more than a week before. I was not that moved. Suicide is epidemic, according to former Surgeon General David Satcher, M.D. , and most preventable. Sad to admit, people like me who turn a deaf ear to such reports become part of the problem. My aloofness at the general news indicates a serious imbalance in my spiritual and mental natures. I am likely not alone, but know that 3.5 million youths either have thought, plan to, have tried, or about to try to take themselves out this year. The Centers for Disease Control says suicide is the third major cause of death for the 15-to-24 crowd. Among 5- to 14-year-olds, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry says it is the sixth cause of death.

Now, to my real point - we would treat ourselves better if when we look in the mirror we saw what God sees. I did not want to write about this experience, but my will wore down during my morning exercises and daily activities during the past two days. I cannot find a better way to get the sight of a weeping granddaughter dressed as Supergirl,  and the memory of her now-dead friend's enthusiastic smile out of my mind.

As I worked out during the last couple of days, the question that dogged me was what the 12-year-old saw in the mirror. I wished she saw the beautiful gift she was to us. Unfortunately, there are so many forces in society that militate against it. That led to larger thoughts - what do most people of all ages see when they looked in the mirror?

I rarely stare at myself in a mirror. I know that I will only see a beautiful gift from God. Also, old-style religious training makes me fear temptation toward vanity.

Society wants me to be ashamed that I am fat. Society wants me to be ashamed that I am black. Society wants me, you and anyone who pays attention to the daily media bombardment to be ashamed of the reality of human diversity. The constant media mantra, "You are not enough," prompts far too many people to waste money and time to try to fit or improve the wrong aspects of their existence.

Society wants us to be rich, thinner, more muscular, and taller but not too tall, with the "right" hair, teeth, smell, clothes, possessions and friends. In case anyone  does not know good from bad, the lesson comes with illustrations.

Experiment - search the internet for "beauty" images versus "handsome," and note the vast differences between the latitude allowed for women to consider themselves "beautiful" and men "handsome." In fact,rappers have said for decades the bigger the bankroll, for some women,  the more "handsome" the man. When did we get reality so twisted.

The reality is that God does not make junk. When you look in the mirror, you should get the message "I am worthy." My granddaughter, her friend, and other people throughout the world should realize YOU are all you really possess. Celebrate don't berate the beauty that exists in that presence.

My granddaughter came to the house last week after school and said, "How can I be skinny?"

"What?" I asked.

"I am fat."

"No," I said. "You are nine. You have no idea what you will look like when you are 19, or 29, or even 39."

"Yeah," she said with the kind of dismissive tone a child offers when they believe the adult does not get the point. "All of the other girls in my class are skinny. I am the only fat one. I don't want to be fat."

"The question is not what you want," I said, "but why?"

"I want to be like everybody else," she said."

"Well," I said that will never get you anywhere."

Well, I guess some of you are going to cast me as a "bad grandpa," but I told her to worry more about her grades than the size of her belly. By the way, the child is far from fat by International standards. At her age it is more important to think about who she is than what she wants to appear to be.

I told her about the mirror and beauty, but that does not have much impression on a grade-schooler. I guess I will just have to say it louder and more often - "You are worthy, because you are a beautiful gift that God gave to us."

I hope my granddaughter does not become a suicide statistic someday. I hope won't trade who she is for what someone would like her to be just to get along. I hope no one does. I hope she follows my example and learns to see the wonder of her existence in the mirror.

Most of us are banged up or broken inside and out, yet we have the power to make of God's gift whatever we will. If we take charge of our self-images, others cannot tell us what is important.
Long ago, those who said I was not worthy, important, hip, or relevant,  lost my attention. Even in this journey toward harmony and balance, my focus is on God's opinion more than those of other people.

I can't wait to hear what he has to say about who I am and what I did when the earthly part of my story ends. "You are worthy," I hope he will say, "because you were a beautiful gift."