Its a Matter of Bounce

The next time someone says, "You can be anything that you imagine." Believe them. In fact, recently I realized that often the way you see yourself broadcasts what others can see in you.

There are lots of ways to imagine yourself. Some people see themselves as a project, pulled together piece by piece to build something they envision. Others view their themselves as a mystery story that unfolds minute by minute based on a string of clues. Usually, folks like that don't have a clue as to where they are going, or what they are about to do, but they enjoy being the main character. Others' perspectives vary as widely as imagination itself. In plain, for everyone, how you imagine yourself is up to you, and likely what you see is going to be you.

Well, I’m a rubber ball, not as fancy as the one in the photo. I am the simple kind used for handball or racquetball - a rubber, seamless sphere, only a few inches in diameter. I would say that I see myself as only a little over two ounces, but this is about imagination, not delusion. I

identify with that object because these days much of my time is spent in efforts to learn to bounce back. Spiritually, mentally, physically, there is a lot of ground to cover. In each area circumstances wrought by me or someone else slam me into walls...of doubt, of pain, of fear, of ignorance, and frequently weariness. As most people, I find myself in those conditions, but recently my goal is to emerge undefeated.

Most people do not give much thought to the wonder of that little ball. The ball itself seems a thoughtless object. Someone slams it into a wall, or an obstacle, with different levels of force. The sphere rebounds in ways that are unpredictable. The ball flies off the wall or other obstruction at random speeds and odd angles, which I accept and enjoy as a surprise. Often, when I hot a wall, I cannot predict what will come next. Do me a favor - if you know, do not tell me. I live for the surprise.

Now, mt life as a ball is not for everyone. I know that many people cannot stand the unpredictable. They want to know what happens next. They want to plan. When they see a ball like me, they ask ask questions like:

If you hit the ball at ground level toward the wall with a speed of 12 meters per second, at an angle of 20 degrees above the horizontal, how long does it take for the ball to reach the wall if it is 6.2 meters away?

Believe me, when you are the ball, the amount of time before you hit the wall becomes the least of your concerns. I am fascinated by how and where I and others bounce back. I am in awe at the variety of ways we come away from the obstructions in life. We lose a job. A better one comes along. Someone faces "ruination," and opens an opportunity toward an as yet unseen career. Money slides out the door, and walks right back in. Somehow, every day loss is replaced in a turn of events that renders the despair that once came with into unimportance, because being a ball is a lesson in love. The ball bounces again and again, because its nature is to endure hardship and rebound. The nature of a ball is resilience. In plain speak, it does what it does, because it exists., and so do I. Love teaches me to be patient, have faith, hope and endure, and through those things I live.

Its like the author of First Corinthians explains, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” If I love God, I have to love what I am. If I truly do love myself, then it is little to ask me to be patient with me, to believe in me, to hope that what I want will be fulfilled, and to endure the rough patches along the way.

In the five months since I last wrote here, I have grown in the belief that love surrounds me. In fact, it surrounds every one of us, if you can believe it. That growth makes me affirm new habits. I will not panic and despair in the present. I await the future. I can do that because I believe that I my destiny is to loved, if only by God/ That is why the story of my life cannot have a sad conclusion. So, I choose to hang with whatever comes at me every day. When something slams me into a wall I pause, keep faith with my dreams, endure, and then find a way to bounce back like that ball. That will happen at different speeds and in different directions. Keep an eye on me. Await the surprise.

Getting to Yes

Joseph was six-feet perhaps, not an inch shorter than me, yet as the broad-faced, dark chocolate-skinned man lumbered slowly toward me with a slumped gait that made him seem at least three inches shorter. At the same time, I could feel and see that each step he took reeked with pain. Some

days, I still do the same dance, and six months before my ability to sit, reach, stretch, or even take a step was just as bound.

People who do not have chronic arthritis or join and muscle pain might not be able to imagine how much the constant stabbing or wrenching cramps transform the body, mind and spirit. Most well-meaning, yet uninitiated people will say something like,"You can get over it," which is meant to be an encouragement. Worse, are those who offer,  "Think positive thoughts," or "I read an article that said you can use natural foods to stop those pains."

The real truth that Joseph and I know is that once pain moves into your life it pervades your space as much as a wife. The hurt and accompanied depression can become constant companions. You an feel the presence in your sleep. They make you aware of their deep intrusions on your life every time you move. When you try to get out of bed in the morning, like a hungry lover, pain tries to pull you back.

Pain demands your surrender. That is why those who live with chronic pain conditions learn to fight. That is also why they need support to succeed. Boldly said, no one knows the pain and depression unless they have been there.

I previously wrote about the cycle of pain that makes you want to quit life. Like the call of a siren, with every step, reach, sit, and stretch, pain slaps or stabs at you until you recline. You notice it hurst less when you lie perfectly still, although the body wracks even then. Finally, pain convinces you that you cannot get up. You cannot fight. In the recesses of your mind, uninvited voices whisper, "give up."

So, as Joseph sat near me at a table in Health Food City, where Dr. Lin has her office, we talked about pain and movement. Truth be told, to my embarrassment, I talked about 70 percent more than he. Joseph kind of looked at me and listened to my words, as any smart person might when
introduced to a stranger. I could see in his eyes, he was not certain what to make of the situation. C'mon, you go to the doctor and she introduces you to another patient, who claims to be going through the same kinds of pains and circumstances.

He listened and his manner warmed as I rapidly cycled through memories of my long walk with pain. Somewhere in what I said about the responses of immobility and depression, we seemed to begin to bond. I read doubt in his eyes, but he hoped for release, as I did months ago.

I hoped that he might become a personal support on my journey to physical, mental and spiritual harmony and balance. Someone to chat with, exchange stories, celebrate victories, and listen. I planned to do the same for him.

As his ride pulled up, I handed Joseph my card. He took the small cardboard rectangle, and promised to email me his contact information. He did. Yes. For both of us, that is where another story begins.